RadioactiveGIRL

Christmas Card 2011

2011-12-01T16:11:00.000-06:00

Snowflakes Ribbon Christmas Card

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Broken Heart

2011-09-17T12:07:00.001-05:00

Today I have a broken heart. My daughter was yelling about having her hair brushed. (only a daily thing around here) She stomped off, told me to leave her alone and then ask that I not go to cheerleading pictures with her. My heart is broken. I am the one she always wants with her. I am her safety blanket. I guess not anymore. Jack was upset when I told him I wasn't going to his game. I can't risk her yelling at me in public. This is her new thing. Yelling at her parents. How embarrassing. She is going to talk to someone and find out why she is feeling so much frustration lately. Can't come soon enough for me. I have been the softball coach, the cheerleading coach, the brownie leader etc. I have volunteered for everything she has wanted to do. I cannot believe that this is the same girl who used to appreciate me. I will never get up at 0500 on my day off and wait in line for hours so that she can meet someone from the Disney Channel. Those days are officially done. I will no longer take her to a concert, or spend hours custom making a t-shirt for her to wear to said concert. Maybe if she doesn't get everything she wants and more, she will appreciate her mother. As mad as I used to get at my mother, I NEVER treated her so poorly. Never.

Christmas Card 2010

2010-11-30T12:21:00.001-06:00

Oh What Fun Christmas 5x7 folded card

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Happy Father's Day

2010-06-19T20:26:00.003-05:00

Happy Father's Day Dad! I miss you more every day that goes by.

You would be proud of my kids. They are so great. Jack is so much like you it pulls at my heartstrings. The boy has your sense of humor. :)

Happy Father's Day Mr. O. You are missed and loved and thought of often. Losing you was like losing my Dad for a second time. We love you.

Happy Father's Day Tim! You couldn't be a better Dad. Our Dad's would be so proud of you. Jack and McKenna love you so much and love how much time we spend together!

Happy Father's Day to all my friends! I have a great group of friends that are such good fathers.

Tomorrow we will celebrate Tim and both of our fathers. So a day of mixed emotions for all of us.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T07:45:00.008-05:00

Today is the day Good NEWS!

2009-03-10T04:41:00.002-05:00

Today is the day that I get the results from my blood test.

Today is the day I find out if the cancer has stayed away for another year.

Today is the day that I find out if I get to make it 6 years cancer free!!!

Wish me luck. It's hard to put a whole year on one day. That's too much pressure for the day to handle. LOL

I will update later. If it's not good news, I will update tomorrow. I will need the one day pity party I have allowed myself. :)

I am a bad daughter. I didn't update TWO days ago. The test results were good. Hello SIX YEARS!!!!!

Having a neck ultrasound just to see what it looks like after 2 surgeries.

GO ME!!!!!

Sorry I didn't update immediately. Or call. Love you Mom. Sorry you worried. :(

Bullet

2009-02-24T06:40:00.003-06:00

The photos in the last post were in reverse order. He is not shrinking unlike what the photos make it seem.

Here are the most recent photos taken the other day.

Garbage Can Puppy

2009-02-24T06:24:00.004-06:00

Garbage Can Puppy came home about 5 weeks ago now. The next post will be the post current photos.

Cliff notes version. Some asshole pulled up to a gas station and threw a bag with 6 German Shephard puppies in it away. A retired PO saw the bag moving and brought the puppies into the 002nd District. My husband works upstairs and came down, picked a puppy and brought him home.

His name is Bullet. The kids love him. He is almost house trained. He has added to the chaos which is my life but in a good way. Sinatra even loves him. (when he is not trying to jump on his back) Life is good.

Basketball and Hockey are done. So that leaves us with Irish Dance, CCD and Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts. I am happy that our activities have slowed down. It was crazy since August. I am tired.

Will update more when I am not on the way out the door to work.

Quick next post with recent photos of puppy.

He was 4 weeks and only 4 lbs when he came home. He is now 20 pounds and 9 weeks?

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-27T09:20:00.003-06:00

Jack is the pickiest person I know. He is even worse than I was when I was his age.
We have done everything in our power to expand his menu. We have new foods friday where he has to eat something he doesn't like or try at least a little bit of something new. I only do this once a week as I don't want him to starve. I have and use the book Deceptively Delicious and it works wonders. He eats many things that he doesn't know about. LOL

So I told him a few days ago that today was Thanksgiving. I told him that meant that he was going to try some Turkey and Sweet Potatoes. I myself never tried Sweet Potatoes until a few years ago. They always looked gross to me. Now I love them. Jack wasn't too happy with the news that it was going to be New Food Thursday AND he was going to have to try it in front of a bunch of people. He HATES when people watch him try new foods. I think he is nervous that he will throw up or something. LOL

So this morning my smart, funny and wonderful son gave me a card that he made me for Thanksgiving.....I couldn't help but laugh out loud.....and share it with you. (if anyone is even reading because according to by blog, no one follows me) No one listening doesn't stop me from talking in real life, it's not going to stop me here. :)

Funny Conversation

2008-11-27T08:49:00.004-06:00

So we have a weekly ritual. Irish Dance on Monday. McDonalds on the way home. We have done this every week for over a year now with the exception of summer. (no dance) So we see the same girl at the pay window every week. I should know her name but I don't. Since the toys have been Madagascar 2 for a few weeks now, we are trying not to get the same toys in our Mighty Kids Meals. We nicely ask, what are our toy choices, and she digs around and tells us. Last week she went out of her way to look for Gloria and she gave us a few extra toys, only charging us for one extra. (Honestly I didn't know she was charging us at all. I normally don't buy extra toys no matter how cute they are.) So for an extra $1.10 we got 5 toys. The guy giving us our food forgot that she was giving our toys to us already so he didn't take the toys out of the boxes. We were already blocks away when we realized which is why I didn't go back and return them. So here is where the conversation got funny. My kids have talked to me about sex before. Remember they are 5 and 7. The only reason it came up before was because they heard me on the phone trying to co-ordinate with my girlfriends about going to the movie Sex and the City. At the end of that conversation they thought that kissing was sex.

So Monday's converstation went like this.
Jack - So we got 5 toys. How would you say that in Tuplets?
Me - What do you mean Tuplets?
Jack - well two are twins, three are triplets, what is it when you have 5.
Me - I think it's quintuplets.
Jack - wow that's cool
Me - mumble mumble from the same egg
Jack - what? more than one baby come from the same egg?
Me- yes, sometimes a fertilized egg splits and you have twins.
Jack - you mean an egg with a big old yolk?
Me - Sort of. :snicker:
Jack- so how does the egg get fertilized?
Me - thinking OH NO I AM NOT HAVING THIS CONVERSATION - when a man and a woman love each other, they do something that I am not discussing at this time and the egg gets fertilized.
Jack - so you mean the egg gets fertilized and then stays in your belly until you get married and then the baby starts to grow.
Me - LOL
Jack - I mean you can't have a baby until you are married?
Me - well not everyone does it in that order.
McKenna - I know what sex is. It's kissing.
Both kids - EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Me - if everyone got pregnant from kissing the streets would be filled with babies. right?
McKenna - Oh yeah. You're right.
Jack - you fertilize the egg with food right? Like chicken nuggets?
Me - that discussion is for when you are older.
Jack - cool we got quintuplet toys Mom.
Me - (thinking thank God this conversation ended)

Ok so now that I typed it out, it doesn't LOOK funny. But I promise you I was snickering all the way home. I love when stuff comes up and I don't expect it. I can't have my pre-planned answer ready. I just have to improvise. It's funny and interesting. I love the way my kids are always thinking about things, and asking questions. They really are smart. Although I can imagine that schoolyard conversation where my son insists that you make a baby by sticking nuggets in the egg. LOL. Imagine that picture. Hope he doesn't get beat up.

Yeah...well

2008-11-08T20:27:00.002-06:00

Sinatra is home with me. Still laying around hardly up and moving at all. Not eating day #3. Not even his favorite pizza! LOL

I still think it's time. Perhaps the vet did not agree with me. I still know in my heart that I am right. I will take another week or two. :)

4 months? Holy shit!

2008-11-02T20:29:00.003-06:00

I am sorry that I have been a bad blogger. I have been so busy I have not had any time to do anything. I am on vacation starting the 20th. I promise to play catch up.

OOPS Happy Birthday Jack!

2008-08-31T07:33:00.003-05:00

Sometimes the kids read and I forgot to post Jack's Birthday. He turned 7 on July
3rd!

Sorry Dude!

Death

2008-08-24T08:37:00.005-05:00

This has been on my mind for the last week. Bob was my friend. He was a friend I hadn't seen in a while but he was still my friend.

I worked with him when I first came on the job. That district, the 010th District, back then we were all family. I can't say it's the same way now because I have not worked there in 9 years.
Those people.
The people I worked with. They were my family then and will always be family to me.
Even now.
It was a craaaaaaaaaazy district back then. (I am sure it is now) You had to depend on each other to stay safe. If you called for help, everyone came. If you heard someone call for help, you always went.
No excuses.
Bob was always a person I was happy to see coming, he didn't mess around. LOL. If I was fighting with someone, he pulled me off of them when he got there and got the situation under control with ease.
He had the best sense of humor and a really unique laugh. Tim called me when he heard the news and asked for help putting the name with the face. ( there are over 10,000 Police Officers in Chicago) I told him Bob was at our wedding and he caught the garter. He remembered immediately because it was funny. Bob was so gung ho about catching it that he gave it his all. He jumped, and dove, and was successful in catching it. He stood up and swung it around his head like he was a stripper. What he didn't realize was when he jumped and dove, he dropped his checkbook on the floor. While he was swinging the garter around, my hubby started swinging his checkbook around his head. Was classic Bob and funny as hell. I will never forget all the times he saved my ass. I will never forget all the times he went out dancing with all the girls. He loved to dance and in my wedding video all you see is him out there for every single song dancing his ass off.

Goodbye my friend. You will be missed.

Missouri

2008-08-01T20:39:00.003-05:00

Michigan Part 2

2008-08-01T20:32:00.003-05:00

Michigan

2008-08-01T20:25:00.001-05:00

I have no words......only tears

2008-07-02T14:03:00.003-05:00

This is MY District. This was OUR brother.

Please pray for his family.

GOOD NEWS!!!!

2008-06-24T20:33:00.001-05:00

Five. Years. Cancer. Free!

Yep, I did it! I can't believe it! What a milestone!!!!!

Yea me!!!!

Why Did the Tornado Cross the Road?

2008-06-10T20:31:00.003-05:00

To get to the other side!

This was the scene near my mom's house on Saturday. I don't know who was more scared me or her. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Twofer :)

2008-06-10T18:56:00.006-05:00

<

I hate June. Why?? Because it seems like everything happens in one month so that everyone can go on vacation in July and August. We had Cub Scout camp out, preschool graduation, Nephew 8th grade graduation, Niece 8th grade graduation, Football, Baseball, TBall, Irish Dance WHEW I am tired from typing it all.

I am now assigned to the academy. Yes, I will be teaching. Right now I am trying to learn from all the great teachers already assigned there. There are some really good ones. You know they are good when they take a subject that can really put you to sleep and they make it interesting! I am so impressed!

I am still trying to adjust to the 0400 wake up. It's not easy. I do like that there is a kick ass gym at the academy and that I am allowed to work out everyday! Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Everything in one post.

2008-06-10T17:48:00.003-05:00

My gosh! I feel like the last month has flown by. Every single time I start a post, something calls me away from the computer and I never finish.

Let me go back to meeting Peg! It was CRAZY and wonderful all at the same time. Thank God she is cute and just glossed right over the paperwork to get Moby on his flight. PS Peg, I swear I got a new cartridge for the fax machine. Moby is the cutest dog I have ever seen and Peg really is a SAINT. I picked her up, we went to lunch we took Moby to the Cargo area and I took her back to the airport so she could go home. Had she told me her plans ahead of time I would have just picked Moby up at the airport and dropped him at Jordanian Airlines. But I am glad that I met Peg. Really glad!

DC. Dc was wonderful this year. We had almost perfect weather, wonderful company, and we made the most amazing, meaningful side trip. My trip roomie Terry has a nephew at Walter Reed Medical Center. He lost both of his legs 2 days after Christmas. He has had several surgeries and is rehabbing right now. Terry wanted to go see him. I was afraid for what I would see there but I knew that my friend would need support. We were talking about it at the bar and two of our friends heard us say we were going. They both decided they were going and one was going to play the bagpipes. As we sat out in front of the hotel the next day waiting for Jim to tune his pipes, three other people asked us where we were going. We told them and they joined us. Everyone wore their dress uniform (except me because I was playing photographer) we took the bus there and walked up to the hospital. Nothing could have prepared me for what we saw there. I mean I have been a cop for 16 years now. I have seen dead babies, people hit by trains going 50 mph,people dead for weeks or months, people with their heads blown off, and brains splattered all over the street. I have never been as deeply moved nor will I ever get the images from Walter Reed out of my head. EVER. We marched to the ward where Terry's nephew was. We marched in to a promotional ceremony (by request) we marched in the cafeteria and most importantly we marched into the orto area. There sat before me at least 30 boys, and I say boys because some of them didn't look older than 18 sitting there missing their limbs. Some with no legs, some with one leg and one arm, some with no legs and one arm. Those images are etched into my brain. I will never forget. They all sat crying (along with me) as the bagpipes played several fight songs, God Bless America, and Amazing Grace. It was truly AMAZING. Those boys were so thankful that complete strangers took their time to visit and play the bagpipes. I am assuming they only see family while they are there. As we walked out of the ortho room and stood in the hallway waiting for Terry to say goodbye to her nephew a young boy with two prosthetic legs approached us. We said God Bless You and thank you for your service to him and he stopped dead in his tracks. He said " you guys are the real heroes out there everyday making this country safe." "Thank you!" All of us were teary eyed after that. So as sad as that part of the trip was, it was inspiring! A few photos are attached. When people heard what we did they decided that we would be making a group trip next year. :)

Happy Birthday Baby!

2008-05-20T19:46:00.002-05:00

My baby is FIVE!!!! More later

Met a Girl and a Dog!

2008-05-12T20:56:00.002-05:00

If I told you all the things that I got done today you wouldn't believe it. LOL
I will post more about meeting Peg when I get back from DC.

Be back Friday!

My Birthday In Pictures!

2008-04-27T18:58:00.003-05:00

Happy Birthday to ME!!!!! Happy Birthday to ME!!!

2008-04-26T20:07:00.004-05:00

Yeah I know I can't come up with a better song title. Tomorrow is my 40th Birthday! Yes, it's true. I am not sure how I am feeling. It's really just a number and the fact that I survived cancer is really my big accomplishment. :)

I didn't take the day off because honestly, no one cares that I am turning 40. My family does, and my kids are really excited. Me. Just having a reality check. It's the peak in the life line. I am halfway to death. Believe you me, I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE PAST 80. If I do just put me out of my misery. I can't believe that my life is half over. Isn't that sad? Then you start to question, is this where I thought I would be at 40? Ten years ago 40 was OLD to me. Now it's here.

Yep, I am sad. I was excited until today. Now I am sad. Another milestone and my Dad isn't here. I think that is my problem. I do appreciate the people I DO have in my life. I have some great friends, a wonderful family, my health and two beautiful children who I adore and my husband who has stuck by me for 10 years. I am hoping that after tomorrow the crying stops. LOL

I know I am a big dork. But now I am a big OLD dork.

So Happy Birthday to me! At least I have an excuse to skip the diet tomorrow. WOO HOO!!!!

TOO RA LOO RA LOO RAL

2008-03-17T14:43:00.003-05:00

Over in Killarney,
Many years ago,
My father sang a song to me
In tones so sweet and low.
Just a simple little ditty,
In his good old Irish way,
And I'd give the world if he could sing
That song to me this day.
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Hush, now don't you cry!
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
Too-ra-loo-ra-li,
Too-ra-loo-ra-loo-ral,
That's an Irish lullaby.

Yes it's St. Patrick's Day. The day my Daddy said he would come back and visit. Can I just say I haven't slept a St. Patrick's Day since he died. Kind of freaks me out that he said that. LOL. The kids were in the St. Patrick's Day parade on Saturday on the Trinity Irish Dance float. They had a great time even though the weather was a bit chilly. By the end of the day they were WIPED out. Me too.

Hope everyone has a wonderful St. Patrick's Day!!!!

When Irish Eyes are Smiling!!!! :)

2008-03-01T18:49:00.005-06:00

Irish Dance. I think Jack's photo is blurry but there is pretty good video. If you don't see MY videos in the sidebar could someone let me know. When I look at my own blog, I see someone elses videos sometimes WEIRD.

Busy at the OB house. Irish Dance, Basketball, Tae Kwan Do. Congrats to Jack on his yellow belt. I have no time to write lately.

Work is great. Fell on the ice two weeks ago so I am off until Wednesday. Still hurts like a bitch but I am not one to milk being on the medical. I once really needed it and won't ever abuse it.

We have a new Superintendent. So far I like him. He launched a few bosses, one which I laughed about because that boss was an idiot. LOL I am not mentioning any names because I don't need the payback.

I will update soon. I am too tired to continue. Was up past midnight last night. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH LOL. I know but I NEVER AM. Was up at 0600 on my own.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

2007-12-25T06:49:00.000-06:00

McKenna at her Christmas Party. Jack at his Christmas Concert

They are what Christmas is for me. This year I am not into Christmas at all. I only went shopping a few days ago. I can't seem to get myself into the season. I know what Christmas means. I am trying to force myself to celebrate. It's just not working and today is Christmas. I am out of time. LOL

The kids went to bed without a peep last night. Knowing that the earlier they went, the sooner Santa would arrive. I told my good friend yesterday that I love that they believe in Santa.

So today for Christmas I got............The Stomach Flu. Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeee it's what I really wanted and hoped for. I have been up since 0400 waiting for the bodily fluid festivities to begin. You know how your stomach sounds like a monster is in there all pissed off? Well that's the phase I am still in. Any minute now things will kick off with what I am sure will be a wonderful day. It's not bad enough that I had a cold for my mom's Christmas party and nothing tasted the same. Now today, I might not be able to enjoy the day at all. :(

I often tell people my life is like Murphy's Law. Whatever can go wrong will go wrong. LOL. I swear I always hope for better. But when the bad stuff happens. I can't say it's unexpected. At least I can laugh through it. I have NEVER lost my sense of humor. Even with cancer. That is what I am most proud of.

So Merry Christmas to all you readers,hope Santa left you something under the tree. Happy Holidays to those who celebrate something else. I can't wait to hear of all the great gifts that people got. I can't wait to see photos of the kids and their loot.

Love to all! Merry Christmas!

You Get the Best of Both Worlds

2007-12-11T09:22:00.000-06:00

See the video bar up at the top because the stupid thing wouldn't load here.

I'm Free

2007-12-05T19:35:00.000-06:00

Don't be afraid of your freedom
Freedom

I'm free to do what I want any old time
I said I'm free to do what I want any old time

I say love me, hold me
Love me, hold me
'Cause I'm free to do what I want any old time
And I'm free to be who I choose any old time

I say love me, hold me
Love me, hold me
'Cause I'm free to do what I want
To be what I want any old time
And I'm free to be who I choose
To get my booze any old time

LOL. I am back to my song posts.

I am happy, sad, nervous, excited, heartbroken all in one body.

I have worked out of the same station for 8 years. Made many friends. Laughed my ass off. Lost some friends there to cancer, suicide, old age, etc. I will miss everyone. Well, ok not the boss. Karma, he will get what he deserves someday.

So tomorrow is my first day. I know three people in the District. But I work by myself so I have to figure out where I am going on my own.

I am looking foward to a new beginning!!!!!

Cheers everyone. Things are looking up!

4-27

2007-11-24T05:33:00.000-06:00

Nothing musical about that. It's what time I got my ass out of bed today. I woke up at 0400 but tried to go back to sleep. I only mention it because it's freaky that when I am usually looking at the clock at home, or work it's 427. Am or Pm doesn't matter. It's my birthday and I always find it strange that 99% of the time I look at the clock it's 427.

So I bid out of my district. I didn't want to do it. I love my 5 minute commute in rush hour but I hate my boss. 15 months until he retires and being on vacation made me realize how much I can't stand to be around him. Not another year. Can't do it.
I start my new district on December 6th. I am really nervous because it's really like starting a new job all over again. At least I know what I am doing. LOL. After 16 years I guess I should. I know I am pretty easy to get along with, so I am looking forward to making new friends. Hope I don't get lost. :)

Yesterday we got together with the family for a wonderful day of playing at Odyssey world in Naperville. We had a great time playing, had pizza, celebrated all the nieces and nephews and cousins Birthdays with cake. My Aunt and Uncle come in for Thankgiving every year and this gives them a chance to see everyone, play with them, and have a great time. I look forward to it all month long. Yesterday Litte Miss Trouble (how fitting that she was wearing a shirt that says Here Comes Trouble) climbed up on the frog hopper ride, and fell off. Not while it was moving, just while everyone was being seated. She complained of pain and asked for her Mommy. I was chatting with my SIL and Uncle in the party room so my hubby brought her to me. She put ice on her "wrist" for over an hour. McKenna is not an ice pack girl. She cries when she gets hurt, puts ice on it for a few minutes and then is off an running again. When she kept the ice on it for so long, I knew it was hurt. We left early (sorry everyone) dropped Tim and Jack at home and off to the ER we went. Luckily I know people there. Going there for work a few times a week pays off when the waiting room is filled with 75 people. There were people in the halls, people stuffed in the triage area, and people waiting outside. It was CRAZY. But for us. 1.5 hours from start to finish. Results: Broken elbow. Poor girl thought it was her wrist. Referred pain. So she has a half cast and a sling. She is currently snoring next to her father. I however was up 100 times overnight to check her and make sure she wasn't sleeping on it. She is usually a roll every 20 minutes sleeper but overnight she didn't move at all. Until 0400. Which is why I am here now. Once I am up, thats all. I am up. :( I am tired already so know I will be taking a nap this afternoon. I have to call the ped this morning and get their referral for an ortho. They have me one at the hospital but I really love my ped and trust their judgement. Guess I will have to run and get the films from the hospital.
So I have tried to attach a photo. It's been awhile but I think I still know what I am doing. :)

Hope everyone is well and had a great Thanksgiving. I didn't take a moment and review everything I am thankful for that day. Being a cancer survivor you do that every single day for the rest of your life. Every single day!

Breath In, Breathe Out, Move On

2007-11-14T12:33:00.000-06:00

According to my watch the time is now
Past is dead and gone
Don't try to shake it just nod your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

Don't try to shake it just bow your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

I am so happy to be on vacation. Only 3.5 weeks but it's nice to get away from the boss. I know I have to stop letting him get under my skin but he does. Only 15 months to go and he's GONE!!!!

I am getting so much done around the house I am making myself very tired. The kids are in school all day so I have to do something to keep myself busy.

I went to Waupaca Wisconsin overnight on Saturday and I have to say it's a great little town. My friends and I went to a benefit for my other friends nephew. A great time was had by all. :)

We stopped several times on the way home to look for Wii's, and we were successful thank God.

Tomorrow I am going to a craft show. Just something meaningless to pass some time. Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. I won't buy a thing but I love to look.

We bid for straight watches at the end of the month and I should have enough time to get days all on my own. HA HA HA HA HA.

Christmas is coming and I am not in the mood this year. I don't know why. Bah Humbug! Maybe after Thanksgiving I will get in the spirit a little bit.

I have been Tagged!

2007-10-31T16:25:00.000-05:00

The rules:
1. Link to your tagger and post these rules.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself: some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post and list their names (linking to them).
4. Let them know they've been tagged by leaving a comment at their blogs.

7 Random Facts

1. I don't eat seafood. None. Hate it. Now before you lecture me I was in Boston and Maine for a family reunion and tried it all. Don't like it on the East Coast, won't like it anywhere.

2. I am a little shy walking into a room full of strangers. The old skinny me never cared what I looked like or who I knew. Now I am a little shy until I talk to a few people.

3. I come from a Police Family. Brother, Uncle, Aunt, Father. Yep, all stupid like me and took this thankless job that they don't pay me enough to do.

4. I don't have a middle name. Don't know why. LOL. Just don't.

5. My feet changed when I was pregnant. My shoe collection. Gone. Nothing fits.

6. I am a jewelry whore. Not now, but I worked for a Jewelry CO before I got on the job, I have more than anyone should ever own in their lifetime.

7. I am pretty lonely. While I have lots of friends and family. No one is really close geographically. The ones that are, are at different stages in their lives. Not married, no kids, kids way younger than me. Etc. It's pretty hard to find someone to hang out with since all my childhood and school friends are at the opposite end of the city at least 30 miles. In Chicago travel time that could be 40 minutes or 2 hours. Depends on the day and time. LOL My hubby works the opposite shift and I am alone all day in a squad car and then I am alone every night at home. Besides the kids I mean. How does one advertise for new friends at 39 and not come off as a total LOSER. LOL

Who I am tagging.

I don't know how to link them. I am a dork.

Martini - she is a newlywed and might not have the time to respond. WINK WINK

Alaine - because she is funny as heck and will play!

Steph - because it's her birthday

Radioactivegirl because she is my blog twin

Princess Pink Lady because she ROCKS!!!!

Chelle because I love her!

and Boobless Brigade Master because she inspires me. She also blessed me with one of the most wonderful acts of kindess years ago and I will never ever forget!

Everyday is Halloween!

2007-10-31T16:11:00.000-05:00

LOL. Ministry? Anyone remember them? I mean besides me.

Happy Halloween to everyone. I ran around today from 8-4, McKenna's Halloween party at school, Jack's field trip to the Nursing Home to visit. I will keep today's post current and then post a few more later this week.

Someone told me to update my blog already. (Hi Tuesday!) When I looked I couldn't believe it's been that long. Shame on me. :)

The kids have been keeping me busy. Both were in soccer which is over. Hooray! McKenna is in Irish Dance, and they are both starting Tae Kwan Do this week. I have no idea when swimming starts but that is pretty soon too. Whew. I am exhausted thinking about all of that. On top of working, activities, dinner and baths, I run from sun up to sun down every single day except the weekend and sadly when they go to bed, so do I. But it's exciting. I am tired, but not complaining. Still happy to be alive every single day running around like a maniac. Glad that I am not sick. Other than tired. I feel pretty good. Happy in fact. Did I say that?
People who know me personally, wouldn't classify me as happy. I don't think. Funny. Definately. :)

So I am going to add some photos. The kids are great. Doing really well in school. Work.....that still blows. 16 months til my boss is forced to retire. Yes, I am counting the days!!!!!

I promise I will post more. Alot has been happening in 2 whole months!

Happy Birthday Steph!!!! Love you!

Where the heck have I been? LOL

2007-09-01T19:02:00.000-05:00

Here but too lazy to blog. LOL. After 3 vacations. None which I could afford. (think tuition) I am back to work and busy as heck.

The kids started school last week. Jack is a big first grader, and McKenna junior K.
Full day all week for both of them. I have yet to enjoy the quiet because they had half days on my days off.

Next week, BOTH DAYS are MINE>>>>>>>ALL MINE>>>>>>> :insert evil laugh: LOL

I miss them when they are gone but look forward to uninterruped showers, tubs, laundry, housecleaning, and going to the bathroom. YIPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I am excited thinking about all the things I will be getting done without their help. LOL I don't know what to do first.

Anywho......back to reality. I am working 9-5 which really jacks with my body's schedule. I am used to working 7-3 or 8-4 now I am up at 6, work out and get ready for work. I then sit around for almost 2 hours waiting to go to work. I get home at 5:30 check homework, make dinner, do baths and then try to stay awake until my kids fall asleep.

Both kids are playing soccer again this year. So add soccer practice on Thursday and Soccer games on Saturdays. I am going to register McKenna for Irish Dance and that is Tues or Wed. I hope she can stay awake for dinner after practice.

Today we went to Ralph's World at Ravinia, and then to Medievel Times for the 4pm show. The kids had a ball but are really ready for bed now. :) Me too.

Off to tubby land and then to dreamland.

Hope all is well with everyone!

Will add some photos when I get the energy. :)

Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of RUM!

2007-07-08T07:07:00.000-05:00

Vacation

2007-07-08T07:01:00.000-05:00

Vacation
All I ever wanted
Vacation
Had to get away
Vacation

LOL. It's the GoGo's. But I am happy to report I am now a week away from VACATION. Off to South Haven Michigan for a week, home for Jimmy Buffett and then off again to Lake Ozark. I. Can't. Wait. LOL

The kids are excited too. Jack asked me yesterday when vacation was and I told him only a week away. He just about fell down because he thought it was a long time away. LOL. My mom got him a metal detector to use on the beach so he can't wait to find treasure. (he had a pirate birthday party) Hopefully my little pirate will find something.

I won't be blogging or emailing from Michigan. It's not that kind of vacation. No email, limited cell phone use. Etc. Really getting away from it all. :)

If I don't post before then, everyone have a great week. I know we will.

Speaking of Buffett

2007-07-08T06:52:00.000-05:00

Let's see if this works. Just McKenna singing. She is ALWAYS singing something.

I have been MIA

2007-07-02T06:41:00.001-05:00

Wow time flies when you have having rum. Just kidding

Summer is in full swing. We took a last minute trip to Sanibel, Florida and had a wonderful time. I am now back to work and boy am I TIRED. LOL

I only work for another week and then I am on VACATION for a month. We are off to South Haven Michigan for a week, then we will sneak in the Jimmy Buffett concert and then we will head off to Lake Ozark Missouri for another week.

Tim only makes half the Michigan trip and not the Missouri trip at all but that's ok. Work is important. The kids have fun anyway. I would rather go without him than not go at all.

South Haven is the beach everyday and blueberry picking and quality time with Grandma.

Missouri is Swimming everyday, a boatride or two from uncle Mike and looking out over the lake from the most amazing house I have ever been in. I am so glad my Aunt and Uncle bought a house there because when they lived in California I only saw them when someone died or got married usually. LOL My family is so small, that I enjoy every second with them. Especially since my Dad died.

My oldest will be 6 tomorrow. Either I have a great memory or it's the same with every mom. I think I remember every single day of his life. :) He is working on his loose tooth so that the tooth fairy can come. He had a great Pirate Party over the weekend and had such a good time. I am truly blessed with a good looking, creative, imaginative, funny, smart, caring little boy. I have told him every single morning " I missed you while you slept" and I have meant it. The kids keep me going and going and test my patients some of the time but when I am up early and the house is quiet, I can't wait for them to wake up and tell me " good morning mommy" It's the greatest feeling in the world.

Happy Monday to everyone. I hear someone creeping down the stairs now. I need to go claim my hug and kiss. :)

Happy Birthday Dad, I miss you!

2007-05-26T14:47:00.001-05:00

Today is my Dad's Birthday. Just another day that I miss him more than anything!
It will be 7 years that he is gone this September and it still makes me sad.

I tried to dig out a photo of him but I don't have any on my computer. Perhaps I can ask my mom to scan one and I can edit this post later.

Happy Birthday Dad! Love you and miss you and know that you would be CRAZY for your Grandchildren.

XOXOX
Mar

S-U-C-C-E-S-S That's the way we spell success!

2007-05-22T09:28:00.000-05:00

Ok, so it's not a song. It's a cheer. Heck 10 years of cheerleading, I am not surprised I remember most of the cheers.

Onward. Went to the Doc for a follow up yesterday. With the numbers being the way they are, he could actually say surgery was a SUCCESS!!!!!

My PTH after surgery was 33 and my Calcium 8.2. Follow up calcium yesterday was 9.0. Yippeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

They gave me copies of all the operative and pathology reports. YUCK. It sounds so nasty when you read it. He sent 4 things to path, in laymans terms it was parathyroid tissue from both sides, a few lymph nodes and a little thymus thrown in. LOL. I didn't know what thymus was until I looked it up. It produces hormones which help run your immune system. Hope they left some in me. :(

I am feeling good. Still tired but not tired like I was when I was hyperparathyroid so that's a good sign. Scar looks GREAT.

Photo attached!

Update (sorry I was really tired)

2007-05-08T09:02:00.000-05:00

I have been trying to find the energy to update since I got home from the Hospital. What I have been doing instead. SLEEPING. Popping Tylenol #3's. LOL

I will try to make this a cliff notes version because it was so horrible, I could type for days.

I went in at 0800 for my shot. That was quick and painless. Then I had to go to the family waiting room, fill out some paperwork and wait for them to call me. What both my husband and I noticed there is the people waiting in that room really have no idea how to behave. Half the room was talking and laughing very loud. The other half was climbing behind couches and chairs in order to plug in their laptops so that they could do their "all important can't miss an hour of two of work no matter who is having surgery" work. LOL. I was more pissed about the noise level of the room. Patients are mixed in with the families people. When I am nervous, I don't want to hear 100 different personal conversations. I want peace and quiet. Shouldn't these people waiting here do so quietly while they are nervously waiting for news about their loved ones? I think it should be enforced by the ladies who run the room. Quiet talking, reading, watching TV. Not shouting, yelling, laughing really loud. (see how I went off there? lol)

So right when I asked how long it would be so Tim and I could take a walk and get away from the noise they called me in back.

A nursing student and a resident along with a nurse asked me the same questions that were on the paperwork that I just filled out. They started my IV and we waited for the anesthesiologist to come talk to me. We waited, and waited and waited. They paged him and paged him and paged him. Come to find out he was waiting in the hallway outside the operating room with a bunch of students and I would talk to him as I rolled past. At 10:30 I remember him asking me if I had any questions, I remember him saying they were giving me something to relax, and then ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I don't remember anything until I woke up pissed off and in a lot of pain at 4:00. I was in recovery, and my nurse was a bitch. It was loud as hell in there with nurses and workers laughing and joking. I wonder if they realize how hard it is to wake up and concentrate when there is so much unnecessary noise in the background. Guess they don't. So here is where the story could get really long but I won't let it. I yelled at my nurse. Told her I wanted to talk to the Doc or my husband that they were treating me like crap. (waited an hour for the bedpan (twice) and got ice chips 2X's in 5 hours) Had no idea what happened in surgery, and wanted to know. They got my husband on the phone and I told him, make them take me to my room, or take me home. NOW. After I yelled at my nurse she ignored me for 2 hours. All total I was in recovery for 5 hours. They couldn't seem to find me my bed. Ya know the one I reserved 2 weeks prior? Man was I pissed. When you feel like crap you don't want to be in a room with 20 other people who feel like crap. You want your own room.
We got the nurses name and will be writing a nasty letter to the President of the hospital as soon as I feel better.

What happened during surgery? No idea. The doctor told Tim he took some tissue from the left side of my neck and my levels didn't go anywhere. Then he took some tissue from the right side and my TSH went down 50%. I guess there was a ton of scar tissue and it was pretty ugly in there. I don't know if I am down to 2 parathyroids or not. I guess I will find out at my re-check. The Doc said he wasn't happy with the results. He was hoping it would be a little more obvious where the problem was. I guess he mentioned something to Tim about if he had to go in again he would go thru my femoral arteries? Uh Hello? Those are in your legs? No way Jose!

So that's it. Yesterday was the first day I only took some pain pills late in the day. I thought it was a good idea to walk to school with McKenna to pick up Jack. It's only 3 blocks but it was 80 degrees and I guess not so smart after just having surgery. Even McKenna who wanted to walk decided that we should drive home once we got there. LOL. She was pissed when I told her that I didn't have a car there and we would have to walk home. We were all sweaty and tired once we got back home.

It's hard for me to sleep because I can't get comfortable. So I am awake most of the time but I am tired. Go figure. Eventually I will get tired enough that I will be able to sleep and comfort won't matter. LOL

I will be off work til the middle of June. I am going to DC for Police Week on Sunday if I feel well enough and will be back on the 16th.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Mommies out there!!!!

See ya!

Marikay

Today's the day

2007-05-03T05:34:00.000-05:00

Couldn't sleep too well. Really nervous. Up since 4:45am. A whole hour earlier than my alarm. Go figure. I am really looking forward to the DRUGS. I will update when I can, or I can explain to my husband how to do it. LOL

See ya!

Here it comes..........................

2007-04-23T19:04:00.000-05:00

I haven't been musical in a little while. I guess I have been too tired. LOL

Here is today's song

You better stop, look around
Here it comes, here it comes, here comes your 19th nervous breakdown. I swear I am headed for one.

Surgery set for May 3rd. It's not twilight. It's not outpatient. It's not 40 minute surgery. It's GENERAL translated INTUBATION It's overnight stay and it's 3-4 hours long. Maybe longer. Since I have had surgery on my neck before, he has to dig thru lots of scar tissue. He doesn't know which gland is bad. So he has to dig around. The more time digging around increases the chances of damaging my nerves, vocal cords and or last 3 remaining parathyroids. If he can't find the bad gland, he is closing me up and will try again in 6 months. How fun does that sound?:
I am not happy :( Everything I thought it would be....it isn't. Hopefully he will find the bad gland and this will be my last next surgery. Everyone who looks at my neck can't even tell I had surgery. Guess that will all change now. :(

So I am trying to stay positive. I AM TIRED. REAL TIRED.

Today I had lidocane sprayed down my nose so the ENT could stick the big 10 inch little tube up my nose and down to see my vocal cords. That was fun. NOT. They look fine he said. It tasted like shit, LOL and made me numb for an hour. Not to mention that I went to my next 3 doctors appointments with snot running down my face. LOL

Had physical and check up at the surgeons office. Then off to anesthesia to discuss the game plan. I requested a private room. I don't like to see strangers when I am not feeling well. :)

SO that's it for now. I am nervous all over again. I hate GENERAL, I thought I could avoid it.

Happy Birthday to me this Friday. :)

Ok so I am stupid

2007-04-23T06:19:00.000-05:00

I thought I wasn't nervous about today but I guess I am. I couldn't fall asleep last night, I had straaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange dreams, and when I saw my clock said 4:50am I jumped out of bed to shut off the alarm before it went off. I tiptoed downstairs and took a shower. Contemplated leaving my hair wet because after reading email til 5:30 I thought I would never be ready in 30 minutes. ROFL. DUH. I thought until 5 minutes ago I had to leave at 0600. I don't. I have to leave at 0700. Damn, there goes an hour of my life I will never get back. LOL.
So I figured I would get back on the computer while my hot rollers cooled. Now what will I do with the next 40 minutes? It's hard to do anything when the whole house including the dog is sleeping. Not the first time I have done this either. Well I guess it's better to be EARLY.
Will update when I get home.

XOXOXOXO
Marikay

2007-04-23T06:18:00.001-05:00

Read my VisualDNA™ Get your own VisualDNA™

Surgery Set

2007-04-19T20:01:00.000-05:00

I will be having surgery on May 3rd. My MRI showed NOTHING. But according to the nurse my numbers are bad enough that surgery is the right thing to do right now.

I am a little nervous. I hope it's a small incision. I was finally comfortable with my old scar not showing at all. Hope I heal by the time the warm weather comes.

I haven't told my boss yet but will talk to him soon about it. I am hoping I am only off a few weeks to heal and then will probably ask for desk duty for a few weeks after that.

I don't want to fight with anyone not being 100%. Although I work in a slow district where my day mostly consists of traffic stops and reports, you never know. The other day I had to fight with a mental and 10 firemen and an off duty guy had to help me get him handcuffed. Once in the back of my car he tried to kick my windows out and when we put him in the paddy wagon, he was banging his head really hard against the metal door. NUT JOB. LOL

I will post again after the MD appts next week and let you all know what the game plan is.

Went to see WICKED last night. AWESOME!!!!

TTFN

Marikay

MRI

2007-04-07T18:48:00.000-05:00

Had my MRI on Wednesday. Assuming that I will find out the results on Monday or Tuesday. Surgery is scheduled for May 3rd. The Doctor replaced his nurse. (thank GOD) The MRI sucked. I tried to pretend it was a tanning bed. Sometimes when I lay completely flat I find that it's hard for me to breathe. Don't know if that is a side effect of surgery.

The clinic called me and told me I have the following appointments on the 23rd of April.

0830 ENT. Going to attempt to look at my vocal cords and see if they are functioning properly. Told me they can do it really easily if I don't have a strong gag reflex. ( I DO) The woman said if I do they will spray something in my throat and then stick a little camera down there. Sounds easy enough.

0900 Surgeon. She said check up and physical. I just had one, plus a whole body scan, an MRI a Sestimibi scan and a shitload of bloodwork. I am wondering what else they need to check. LOL

1000 Anesthesia. Last time they made my appointment, I showed up, the Doc came to talk to me and then I went to surgery. I guess I don't mind them being anal about every little detail. This will be radio-guided minimally invasive surgery. The incision should be a few CM. I will not be under general, I will have a twilight sleep and I was jumping for joy because last time the only thing that bothered me was my throat from being intubated. HOORAY!!!!!

Will update when I have something to add. :)

Happy Easter everyone. I am working, hopefully no one will be fighting with their families. I hate to arrest people on a HOLIDAY. LOL

FRUSTRATED

2007-03-25T08:35:00.000-05:00

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

So since I have last posted I have also had to get my pathology and operative reports MYSELF and fax them to the Doctor. Don't they get paid big bucks to have people who are paid to do this. Why am I the idiot running around getting records? Especially since I signed a release that allowed THEM to obtain all my records.

I emailed the DR because I haven't heard from the nurse(she is really unorganized) He responded with this:

I will ask **** to check for your operative and pathology reports and let you know if we have them. I have not seen them yet. I have reviewed the sestamibi scans and the ultrasound that you previously had done. The reports suggested something that might be a parathyroid gland on the left side, but on my review of the films, I am much less certain that what we are seeing is the abnormal parathyroid gland. I would like to have you get an MRI of your neck so that I can try to have a greater degree of certainty about what we are seeing on the ultrasound and sestamibi scan. As we discussed when I saw you in the office, because of your prior surgery, you will have scar tissue in the neck making identification of parathyroid glands difficult. As a result, I need to have a high degree of certainty that I know where the abnormal parathyroid gland is prior to going to the operating room. If the MRI is not convincing, we will need to go on to other localization tests. I am sorry that this is not a simple prospect, but I really want to know where to look for the abnormal parathyroid prior to surgery.

Now call me paranoid since the whole Cancer issue but WTF does I am much less certain that what we are seeing is the abnormal parathyroid gland. GEEZ! I thought if you had a High PTH number you are guaranteed to have a bad parathyroid. Now I am thinking that something ELSE is growing in my neck. I guess I will have the MRI of my neck and we will figure it all out.

My hopes for having surgery and being healed by the warm weather are starting to look pretty grim. :(

I will update when I have the MRI results. Hope I don't have to run and get the record and deliver it to the DR office. I. JUST. MIGHT. SNAP. LOL

Happy Belated St. Patrick's Day!

2007-03-18T17:35:00.000-05:00

I went out with some friends last night and had a GREAT time.

Laughed my ass off, met some nice people, saw a few old friends. Really. Great. Time.

Forgot to post that I went to the Surgeon on Monday and he wanted to see my Scans and Neck Ultrasound before he determined if he was going to go in. I am down to 3 parathyroids and he said he would like to be sure he can tell which one is the bad one. Every time you do this surgery, you have some risks. He will bring in a vocal cord expert to look and make sure that both my vocal cords are functioning properly. My mom mentioned to me a few months ago that I clear my throat pretty often. Doesn't bother me but I guess it can be irritating to others. LOL

Haven't heard back from him yet. Tim was nice enough to run to Northwestern and pick up the film and CD and deliver it to the MD. Guess he really is a busy man and hopefully I will hear something from him this week. His nurse did pencil me in for surgery on April 19th so that if he decides he will do surgery now, I won't have to wait two months to get a date scheduled. It's not that I am vain or anything but I would like to be healed before my trip to DC for Police Week 2007 and Michigan in July. Healed as in minimal redness and swelling. I just want to get it out of the way because I know I will feel so much better when I have it done. And believe me I would like to feel better.

I will update again when I hear from the Doctor. If anyone wants to call or get together, I am feeling much more social now.

More later....

Update

2007-02-22T08:46:00.000-06:00

So I went to the Endo the other day. (who I LOVE by the way) She is really pretty anal about covering all the bases. I went for Vitamin D labs and am scheduled for a sestimibi scan next week. I asked her to look up my records because last time was such a blur I don't remember if I had a sestimibi. I did. It indicated nothing. But I did have an adenoma on a parathyroid and they removed one. So regardless of what the scan shows, I think they will be going back in to look for the bad one.
My calcium is holding at 10.1. My PTH is 113. My TSH is is .0937and my Tg is under .02 I am adding an extra pill a week to get that TSH under 9 where she would like it to be.

I am going to a different hospital to see a surgeon. My surgeon retired from surgery and does only research now. Her boss switched hospitals and he is really good. I think I would be more comfortable with him rather than the 3rd choice in the Dept at Northwestern. I guess it's going to be radio-guided minimally invasive surgery which sounds great to me. My biggest complaint was the sore throat from being intubated. Not the surgical site at all.

That's all for me. I am tired, really really tired. So tired that it's hard to function. Guess that all in the disease. I am still working midnights which make it even worse. I feel like I am never getting enough sleep.

I will update again when I have more info. And if I can figure out how to post a video, I have a really cute video of McKenna singing.

Ta Ta for Now!!!!

CANCER FREE CANCER FREE

2007-02-09T13:36:00.000-06:00

Someone please pinch me. I am Thyroid Cancer free! The doctor just called to tell me I had a negative scan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't believe it.

I do have a parathyroid problem I flunked my 24 hour urine and assume I will subjected to a sestamibi scan and then Parathyroid surgery. How bad are my numbers? I don't know and she won't tell me anything until I see her. The bad news is that I can't get in to see her until the 23rd. I asked for this to be bumped up to ASAP and am still waiting to hear back from her.

No residual thyroid tissue, no lymph node involvement. YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

I can't believe she even said those words. I am so excited.

On the other hand, I know I will have to have surgery for sure so that isn't very exciting. My scar was looking really good darn it. Now I get to start all over again in that department. Also at the back of my brain is the rare possibility that it might be parathyroid cancer. It's rare but does happen. I am going to hope for the best right now until I hear otherwise!!!!!

I can't think of a song to label this post. LOL My brain is cooked. Oh well maybe my sense of humor will return tomorrow. :)

I'm RADIOACTIVE

2007-02-08T19:07:00.000-06:00

RADIOACTIVE
The Firm

Well I'm not uptight
Not unattracted
Turn me on tonight
Cause I'm radioactive
Radioactive

There's not a fight
And I'm not your captive
Turn me loose tonight
Cause I'm radioactive
Radioactive

LOL, do we see a trend here? I swear everything I am feeling has a song to go with it.

This song reminds me of my first go round with RAI. LOL.
For those of you not "hip" to the Thyca stuff, yesterday I was given a small dose of Radioactive Iodine. I am officially RADIOACTIVE GIRL. I can leap tall buildings in a single bound. ROFL. Not really. But I am radioactive for my scan tomorrow.
I go in at 0715 which really means they will get to me about 0830. They are never on time, and they NEVER seem to keep you updated on how late they are actually running. Go figure.

Yesterday I had to go to the lab and drop off my pee. (24 hour urine for calcium and creatinin) and stopped at the bakery to get the lab girls some muffins. They are so nice and for the most part painless. I have come to know them all by their first names, they know all about my job, my kids, etc. Guess you can develop a relationship with them after several years and a jillion blood draws later. LOL
They were so excite to get the box. (muffins not pee) They all called me and left me a message thanking me because no one ever does anything nice for them. I am officially VIP there so no waiting for me from now on. :) See it pays to be nice.
After leaving the lab, I had to take the elevator down to 2 to take a different elevator up to 8. Sounds stupid but one elevator goes from LL - 13 and the other 14-21 you can take the 14-21 down but it doesn't stop anywhere but 2 for the parking garage and then the lobby. ( am I rambling?) I then jumped into an elevator to go up to 8. We started to move and then heard the announcement...."we are experiencing minor technical difficulties". Minor HAH! I was stuck in that elevator for 30 minutes. Of course I was cracking jokes because the other ladies seemed a little nervous. One was late for work and the other late for her procedure like me. When they finally pried the doors open we had to jump down about 4 feet. I wasn't nervous because we were stuck between 2 and 1 not too far to fall if it did. Plus I was used to falling elevators since the old elevator at Police Headquarters would fall just about everyday. Was interesting to see the prisoners reaction because it really used to catch them off guard. LOL I was telling my partner about my day yesterday and she said, "your life could be a sitcom" ROFL, and she is right.

I probably won't get any results from my scan tomorrow until Monday so I won't be holding my breath. I do know from last time not to cry because my tears are radioactive and when you wipe them on your neck it makes the scan look BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

So goodnight all from RadioactiveGIRL.
Now Britney Spears "TOXIC" is running through my brain.

One Down One to Go

2007-02-06T06:12:00.000-06:00

LOL. Is this Marikay's musical journey through cancer?

I really wasn't thinking of this song until I titled the post. Now it's running through my head.

One down one to go
Another town and one more show...

If you don't know it, it's Leave it by Yes. Now hopefully someone else will have it running through their brain today and it will leave mine.

Leaving for the hosptial in an hour and a half. I was up EAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARLY with a bad stomach. Don't know if it's from the shot or from the crap I ate yesterday. :) Another shot in the butt, (the bandaid coming off hurt worse) another poke in the arm (pregnancy test) and I should be home to rest. I am really hoping that the second shot isn't what kicks in and makes you feel like crap. LOL. I don't really want to feel like crap yet. The pregnancy test thing is funny. I know it's state law regulated by the government but my tubes were tied almost 4 years ago. Not pregnant. Not going to get pregnant. Just funny that they keep checking. What is another needle stick to a Thyroid Cancer patient? NOTHING. I am the human pin cushion. Blood draws don't bother me at all. Hell, I could probably do my own by now.

Talked to my mom yesterday. Apologized for getting mad at her when all she is trying to do is help. She pointed something out to me. I joke about my cancer and treatment all the time and I get upset when someone else does. She is exactly right. I guess the humor helps ME feel better. I own the cancer. Therefore I own the right to joke about it. :) Right? Not exactly. I know that cancer effects the entire family and circle of friends. I know that everyone is involved in it. Worried about it. Thinking about it.

If you are reading and you haven't called because I emailed that I couldn't talk. I am ok now to talk. If you want to call and check up on me please do. If you call my house and I am not home, ask for my cell phone number.

I will be going for my Low Dose tomorrow and then off to a hotel for overnight. On Thursday I will be going to my mom's to hang out for the day and then bring her home with me. She is the babysitter for Friday while I get scanned. The lonely part is about to begin. No one near me for a few days. It makes you appreciate how important touching is in our lives. Hugs,holding hands, a touch on the cheek, these are all things that people take for granted. Ask someone who has/had Thyroid Cancer and RAI treatment. I bet they don't. Not one hug, not one hand, not one touch.

Cancer really can be an eye opener, it makes you realize what is important in life. It makes you LIVE your life differently. It makes you appreciate what you have. It makes you count your blessings.

When I was one year out (cancer free) Tim the kids and I did the Northwestern Memorial Hospital Cancer Walk. It was a goal for me to get there. It was a goal for me to feel well enough to do it. We did it. For me. For my Dad. For Tim's Dad. For us. I can't help remember who walked with us. Family members wore white T-shirts, survivors wore Purple. As we walked I was amazed at who wore the Purple shirts. Grandmas, Moms, really young Moms, Black, White, Asian,Hispanic, Young, Old, CHILDREN and me. I realized at that point that Cancer chooses EVERYONE. It doesn't matter who you are, how old you are, or what color your skin is. Every type of person I could think of was there, in that group. It opened my eyes. Maybe next year after a clean scan I will do the walk again.

Love each other. Life is precious. Hug, kiss, touch each other. Today. No one is guaranteed tomorrow.

Updated photo

2007-02-05T05:58:00.000-06:00

Christmas 2006. Look at the difference in them. They are growing sooooooooooo fast.

The Waiting is the Hardest Part

2007-02-04T11:37:00.000-06:00

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part
Dont let it kill you baby, dont let it get to you

This is my theme song of the day. LOL. Tomorrow starts the week of waiting.
The schedule is Monday- Thyrogen shot
Tuesday - Thyrogen shot
Wednesday - Low dose of Radioactive Iodine
Thursday - Nothing
Friday - Scan I am sure I won't have the results until Monday.
I also have to squeeze in my bloodwork somewhere during the week since I asked the DR a week and a half ago to send the order to my house so I can go to the local lab instead of driving all the way to the hospital and paying for parking. When did it arrive? Yesterday. At 2pm. What time does the local lab close? 1pm. ROFL. Perfect timing. Now that I will be spending 4 out of 5 days at the hospital, I might as well get it done there. Why make an additional trip to the lab now when the hospital has a lab. LOL

I got mad at my mom today. After Wednesday I should keep my distance from everyone especially the kids. I was trying to figure out how this will be best to do and I was talking about where I will decide to keep myself. She suggested the basement. Is this crazy or what? I am the one with CANCER. I am the one who is stressed out beyond belief. I am the one who will be feeling like total DOGSHIT. I am the one who should be treated nice. Guess today is where being lonely starts. No one can come near me, no one can comfort me, no one can really understand unless they have been there. Yes folks it's true. At the lowest point in your life, you aren't allowed to touch anyone. No one can hug you or hold your hand. When you cry, your tears are Radioactive. Isn't that sad. It makes me really very sad and lonely. I am thinking about possibly going to stay at a hotel or something so that no one is freaked out about it. I didn't have to do that 2 years ago but I guess with McKenna being older, it might be harder to keep her away from me. I just don't know what to do. Maybe I will just go stay at my mom's house. It just really sucks that the when you need the people around you the most, you can't be around them.

So sing it with me now everyone...........................
The waiting is the hardest part....................every day you get one more card......... :)

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2007-01-31T04:16:00.000-06:00

Working midnights sucks. It's 7 degrees outside and I have to be out in the cold. LOL
Luckily I caught two burglars and I was able to get myself inside for a few hours processing their arrests. Thank God for that. It was cooooooooooooooooooooooold out there.

Talked to my friend the Ear Nose Throat guy. Said I shouldn't worry about a thing until after my scans. Recommended I have additional scanning too. Sounds like a Parathyroid problem. Told him I don't want to have to fly to Indy so that he can treat me. LOL

I am counting down the days til my scan. Hopefully it won't take forever to get my results.

Keep praying!

Up Early, Can't sleep

2007-01-28T07:01:00.000-06:00

The kids went to my mom's yesterday on an overnight. She hasn't seen them in quite some time so I ran them out for an overnight with her. They love going to Grandma's house. For some reason yesterday they kept asking, " Can we go to your mom's house today?" LOL

Jack overheard us talking about the cancer and doesn't quite get it yet. He said, " I don't want Mom to go into the hospital" and " I don't want Mom to be sick" and this breaks my heart. I don't think he quite understands that Mommy would never to be sick, nor would she choose to be away from him and his sister besides the occasional night out and my once a year trip to DC for Police Week. I don't like to be away from them. I talk about needing time for myself and then when I am not with them, I miss them too much to enjoy myself.

I took a 3 hour nap on the couch yesterday which I don't recommend. LOL. My neck hurts, my back hurts, and my sleep schedule is officially screwed up. Working midnights and sleeping during the day is fine. But when you try to be like a normal person on your days off and sleep at night it's when you get all screwed up. :) I am not yet adjusted to the new schedule. But I guess that doesn't matter since I am looking at a few months off on the medical. It will give me a chance to hang out ALOT with the kids before I actually have to have surgery and/or treatment. I am just really sad thinking about all of it.

McKenna was 9 months old the last time I went in for treatment. She will be FOUR in May. That's CRAZY. She will miss me this time. I will miss her like crazy. Jack is another story. My heart will break for Jack. He's old enough to start to understand what is going on if we take the time to tell him everything. I am not sure that I want to do that to him. He is so innocent. Almost 6 and I would like to let him think both of his parents will live forever. Just like I thought until I was 30. :) I have told Jack every day since the day after he was born that " I missed you while you slept" it's hard doing it now knowing that I will miss a few weeks of saying that in person.

I am still a crying, blubbering fool. Now I am really angry about this. This isn't me. I am usually sad for a day and then I get up the next and deal with whatever life throws at me. I just can't seem to wrap my brain around it this time. I NEVER thought I would be here again. Needing people isn't something that I DO. Letting people help me is so strange. I know that I need to do both of these things but I am really struggling here.

I just almost paid off all the bills from my last treatment, LOL, now I am going to dig another hole. I can't believe how expensive being sick is. Thank God I have insurance. I can't imagine how people with out it or with poor insurance do it. I am only responsible for 10% and it's hard for me to pay it all. What would life be without money problems? I accept the fact that I will never know. My plan is to use my medical time to sell everything in this house that we don't use. Perhaps I can make enough money to pay off all the medical bills as quickly as possible. The way I look at it if it wasn't this......it would be something else.

I keep telling myself, it could be worse. I know that it could.

I am going to hang out for the rest of the day. I think Tim is going to run to my moms and pick up the kids. I might just go out for a drive, but there was a little snow and it's so flipping cold outside I just don't know if I want to go out at all. I also need to figure out how to sleep because I am working tonight. Thank God for my partner Sandy, she certainly makes working midnights fun. We laugh most of the night and time seems to fly by except that last hour.

Thats it for today. Hope everyone has a great day. Lord knows I am trying!!!!!

Mar

The kids

2007-01-27T10:37:00.000-06:00

Thought I better update their photo. That other one is from last Christmas. I will post this years Christmas so you can see the difference. This was taken one morning before school. Believe it or not my husband did McKenna's hair. LOL

Doctor Called

2007-01-27T10:07:00.000-06:00

The findings need to be confirmed with the WBS(whole body scan) I am scheduled the second week of Feb. What a long wait. I get a shot of Thyrogen on the 5th and the 6th. A small dose of RAI (radioactive iodine) on the 7th and then the scan is the 9th. I won't have the results until the following Monday and then the gameplan will be discussed.

Looks to me like I have another growth on my parathyroid. I knew I was feeling crappy in June but my tests came back ok. Now my Calcium is high and my PTH(parathyroid hormone) is almost double what it should be. If you look at Parathyroid.com and Thyca.org you can look up more about each disease. I am so lucky I fall into the 4% categories. LOL. I can't win the lottery but I can fall into the small percentage of people who have bad results. Go figure.

I am feeling a little better today. Guess the few beers I had last night as well as the dancing helped me forget about things for a few hours. This morning. Back to reality.

I am hoping that this relapse will not make me a nasty person. I am really struggling with how unfair it is. Knowing I am still blessed to have a cancer that has a 95% cure rate. I am still mad. I am mad that I have to be away from my children. That they won't understand I am not choosing this. That I will miss them. That I can't kiss them goodnight for a few weeks. That I can't hug them for a long time. That is truly the most painful part. I mean pure physical pain. My heart aches now just thinking about the weeks to come.

Glad that my friends are rallying around me. I don't want to be a burden to any of them. Tired of sucking the life out of them. Tired of being "debby downer" all the time.

Me and God. We are having issues. I am not exactly speaking to him right now. We have fought before many times, and have always worked it out. This time, I am not sure how long it will take. I am really MAD at him. More on that later.....

Keep praying people. I know it works.

Mar

It's all happening again

2007-01-26T04:29:00.000-06:00

Hard to believe that it is. Don't know exactly how to tell people again.

My cancer is back. I have a cyst in my neck. My Lymph nodes are questionable.

I can't actually believe that it is happening to me......AGAIN.

So much for cancer changing your life and making you a better person. I guess you still need to be challenged over and over again.

Me.....can't stop crying. Totally out of character for me. I am an emotional person but this is getting crazy. I don't know if I have the strength to handle this AGAIN.

January 4th I started working the midnight shift. I didn't have enough time on the job for days and missed the bid by one person. This might all change in April but right now it's not a big concern of mine.

I was due to have my scan February 9th and was gearing up with DR appts, babysitting scheduling, time off of work. Etc. There was a little snafu with my DR. My GP said he could handle it but it turns out he couldn't so I needed to quickly find an Endocronologist. I did, got in to see her quickly and she recommended that I have a neck ultrasound since I had a year off from testing. (normal procedure for someone with a clean scan at the one year mark)

Had the ultrasound on the 24th. Had to go by myself because Jack got sick and Tim had to stay home with him. We both thought I would be fine because I would go and they wouldn't find anything. WRONG. I just was in shock. I was told I have some residual thyroid tissue and a cyst on the left side of my neck, and some questionable lymph nodes on the right. A triple whammy. Now I have done my fair share of research. I know what is possibly going to happen. My little scar that has healed so nicely and people don't even notice anymore? I have a feeling it's going to get opened up again. The question is how far? With the lymph nodes, I believe that they do a radical neck dissection to remove them. It's exactly how bad it sounds. RADICAL.

So now I sit like a crazy woman waiting for the DR to call and give me the game plan. I don't know if I will still do the regular testing that is scheduled or if I will have to go off my meds and push back the date of the testing. Either way, I will be crazy until I know what is going on with me and what the course of treatment is. Doesn't that sound like fun.

Again, I am withdrawing from life. It's how I handled it last time. Having to tell the story with all the facts and answer 1000 questions from people just isn't something I am able to do. It's 2 days later and I still can't talk to my husband or my mom without becoming a blubbering fool at some point during the conversation. It makes me mad that I have to "NEED" people. I would like to think that I can handle anything myself. The bottom line is I can't. Not anymore. How confusing is it when you need people but you push them away? I guess I don't want people to see me this way. Weak.... questioning my faith......sad.......... Where is that boring life that I wished for in the New Year? Where is my boring uneventful life that I would accept in a hearbeat. Why is my life so filled with DRAMA?

I am having a really hard time right now. I am not on speaking terms with God. I discussed this with Tim and he was nice enough to reach out to our parish priest who should be calling me in the next few days so that I can go see him. I am mad at God. I have never questioned his game plan for me. When I got cancer I saw it as a chance to change the things about myself that I didn't like. Enjoy life. Be more patient with my kids. Enjoy every moment that I have with them. Kiss them often. Tell people I love that I love them. Everyday. Be a person that my children will be proud of. Be kind to others. All of the time. I really am proud of the person that I have become. How cancer has changed me for the better. How I never take anything for granted. Now I sit and think what a good person I am and I am still being punished.

That is how it feels. Punishment. What evil thing have I done in the past to deserve this? I know it doesn't make sense to feel this way but it is what I am thinking. I know this will change. It did last time. But last time my "pity party" lasted one day. Now I am on Day 2 and it's still going on. I don't know why. I am afraid that this time I won't be taking things so well. I was so proud that I was going to hit the 3 year cancer free mark. Guess I feel like a failure. I have done everything the DR has told me to do. I faithfully take my meds, I get tested regularly. I keep on top of my blood levels. Yet, it doesn't seem to have made a difference.

Will update when I hear more from the DR. Keep my family in your prayers please.

My boss is an asshole

2005-12-23T15:45:00.000-06:00

Let's just say we have a contract to govern us and he just does whatever the hell he wants to. If you file a grievance with the union, it's suicide. Because he has the power to fuck with you. And he will. I am counting the days to his mandatory retirement because we know that wishing death, a slow and nasty death on someone would be bad for Karma. I would never think it. But there are many people who I know ARE thinking it for me. So I don't have to. LOL

I will throw a party the day that asshole puts in his papers. A damn big party.

I am blessed

2005-12-23T15:40:00.000-06:00

These are my kids. Aren't they sweet? I know how lucky I am to still be around for them. I have had several people close to me get diagnosed with Cancer and die, quickly. It's amazing to me that it happens so fast. It also makes me count my blessings and know that God has bigger plans for me.

Merry Christmas everyone. God Bless you all.

Five Months Later

2005-08-23T08:50:00.000-05:00

Jeez! You would think that I would take the time and post the results. NO. I didn't.

On March 11, 2005 I found out that I am CANCER FREE. It was a little weird going through the process. I finished my scans after waiting for two hours. Sitting around talking to all the other cancer patients in the waiting room. They come in and tell me. Come with me. There is a problem. I freaked out. They made me wash my hair because they said something showed up around my neck and wanted to make sure it wasn't in my hair. Nevermind that it was 40 degrees outside and they didn't have a blowdryer. They also didn't have shampoo, a comb or any towels. I washed my hair in one of the scanning room sinks with a bar of soap and blotted dry with paper towels. LOL. They re-scanned me and then sent me back to the waiting room. After another whole HOUR, they came in and got me. They had gotten DH from the big waiting room and talked to us in the HALLWAY. It's GONE. No more cancer! YIPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. DH was a little confused as to my new hairstyle and asked what the hell happened. I guess what happened was that when I left my babies in the morning, I was crying. Crying because I hoped that it was good news I was going to tell them. Crying because I hoped that I wouldn't have to go straight to the hospital for another round of treatment. I would have had to been away from them for another 2 weeks. Crying because I couldn't kiss them or hug them goodbye. When I cried, I wiped my tears on my face because I didn't have a tissue. Well DUH the tears are radioactive and stayed there and showed up on my scan. Who knew? LOL

Bottom line is, it's GONE. Hopefully that will be the end of it. Now I really need to get my self together and get the weight off. I joined a gym and started running on the treadmill every day before work. I get up an extra hour before work and get moving. I am really starting to see the difference. I have never been fat my entire life, and I am tired of shopping in the Big Girl section when I need something from the store. I will do it.

I also promise to keep blogging. I think it's good therapy. I am feeling better everyday and it makes me proud to say I am a Cancer Survivor.

Thats all for now. Thanks to my friends and family who have dealt with the evil bitch that I was for so long. Hopefully that's all over now and I can be happy once again!!!

M

The results

2005-03-10T08:45:00.000-06:00

I will make this the cliff notes version because it's hard to stuff a years worth of stuff into a few posts. I will touch on the important parts.

January 10th. Biopsy. It hurt like hell. I got limited information about Cancer. Dr said she really doesn't get into depth when we don't know the facts. Told me it would be a few days for the results. She would call with them. She would tell me what it is and then if it's cancer, she will have me come into the office the following day and discuss it in depth. She believes that getting a phone call that you have cancer cancels out anything else that might be said right after that. She is right. THat is all you hear. Of course after not being able to move for a long time, I went right to my friend the computer and looked up my kind of Cancer. Papillary. The good one. It's kind of funny that a cancer can be good. This one is. It's a 95% cure rate. The treatment while a pain in the ass, doesn't make you sick or make your hair fall out. I was happy. I love my hair. I might be heavier than I should be but I LOVE MY HAIR. I was happy to know it wasn't going anywhere. My childhood friend who is a MD put it in perspective for me. He said if he had to choose a Cancer for his new wife, Papillary Thyroid Cancer would be his choice. It made me feel so much better. Off to the Doc we went. She explained the treatment, a total thyroidectomy followed by Radioactive Iodine Therapy. I now know how come cancer patients feel. Even if the Doc says they can't take it out. I WANT IT OUT. I WANT IT OUT NOW, if you can get it out today, it's not soon enough for me. TAKE IT OUT NOW!~!!! It doesn't belong in there. LOL
This was the 13th of January and God love her she got me scheduled for the 23rd of January. I was so happy. Long story short, got it out, it didn't spread anywhere, got Radioactive Iodine and got back to my life. This is where tomorrow comes in. I have been living my life day to day waiting for this day. This day that finally happens tomorrow. This day is significant. I will never forget it my whole life. It's my one year mark. The news I am hoping for will be that I am CLEAN. That they will see me next year. That I am Cancer Free. I can't really put into words how much those words would mean to me. They will give me......ME. The carefree me who doesn't live life waiting for the other shoe to drop every day. The happy go lucky me who loves life, loves her job, loves her family like crazy, is spontaneous and funny. Who lives the same life she always has. The only little change would be the little pill I take every morning. I don't have a Thyroid, and need to take it every day for the rest of my life. That I can do. That's pretty easy if you ask me.
So that is where I am today. Thinking positive. All while having nightmares about some pretty freaky unrealated to cancer stuff. Not being able to kiss, hug or touch anyone in my house. Using my own bathroom and staying away from everyone. ( I had my low dose of Radioactive Iodine which is absorbed by my body over two days and will seek out and hang out in any Thryoid Cells which may be lurking in my body) Please join with me in the hope that they are ALL GONE. I would love to be done with treatment for an entire YEAR. If this first scan is clean, the rest looks good.
I won't go into anything else until I get the results tomorrow!!!!
I wan't ME back. I really want ME back. A negative scan will give me ME back. I have missed her more than anything in the whole wide world. :) I will have a party to welcome her back too. Because I know that my friends and family have missed HER while she was away hiding. :D

My annual physical

2005-03-10T08:23:00.000-06:00

Since losing my father in September 2000 to colon cancer, annual physicals are as important to me as the air that I breathe. I have two small children and a good life. If there is anything I can do to prolong this happy life, I am willing and able to do it. November 2004. I went for my physical. I LOVE my doctor. I have seen him for years. I put him in charge of my father when he was dying and he helped me with it so easily. He ran the standard blood tests, took my BP and pulse, told me I needed to lose the weight that I put on with my kids, and checked my neck. He felt something. Said it was small, and if it was anything bad they would just take it out. I LOVE his style. People might be offended by it but I love a Doctor that just tells that truth. ( I remember him saying to me when my dad was sick. " You do know he is dying, right?" I did, strangely enough I knew before any test result came back that told me he was. I felt it in my heart and I know that my father did too.) Anyway, back to me. He sent me for an ultrasound it wasn't good. Funny how God seems to hook me up though. I got to asking the tech what the next step was. He said biopsy. I asked him if he knew anyone who had one and if it was painful. We got to talking about how I am a Police Officer and I can handle stepping in blood, getting it all over me, watch the hospital crack a check and do cardiac massage see brain matter smashed on a wall etc. I just can't see a needle enter my skin. LOL. He told me his best friend in life was a Detective. I said really where? My hubby is a Detective. ( mind you we have 13,000 police in the city) He said 51st and Wentworth. I said my hubby too. I asked what his friends name was and if I weren't laying down on the table, I would have fallen down. His best friend in life was my husbands partner. Go figure. Thanks God. So I think he was a little more open in telling me about what he saw, and what he thought would be the process. He told me no matter how many people told me it wouldn't hurt that it would. I was so happy to have the truth. The whole encounter was amazing to me. I felt good knowing the real story of the next step. The hardest part was waiting for the biopsy to get scheduled. Because of the holidays, I couldn't get an appointment until January 10th. It nearly drove me crazy. I read everything I could on the internet regarding Thryoid Nodules and Cancer. Every type, every kind, what could happen, what to look for, what the treatment is, what the cure rate is, etc etc. I was ARMED to the teeth with information by the time I went for my biopsy. I also had that secret little knowledge that I think some people choose to ignore. I KNEW it was cancer. I didn't tell anyone, I kept it inside. I cried about it secretly, I prayed every night about it. I asked for the strength when it was confirmed. I asked for my family to be strong and OK with the news. I just knew and it was strange.

It's been a year

2005-03-10T08:03:00.000-06:00

I can't believe I haven't blogged in a year. I kept meaning to get back here. It's not that nothing has been going on, I think it's too much has and finding the time to write it all out, just hasn't existed. After weeks of waiting for my TSH levels to be high enough for my one year scan, Praise God they are. I was beginning to feel like I was in the movie GroundHog Day. I was having the same week over and over and over again for an entire month. I am currently undergoing my small dose of Radioactive Iodine Treatment for my scan which is tomorrow. I have been waiting patiently for this day for 379 days. Tomorrow will finally be the day that I find out if my cancer is gone, has returned, or has spread somewhere else. I get a WBS and should find out right after the scan what the story is. I can't explain the emotions involved in something like this. When I was told last year that I had cancer. My whole life changed. Some ways good, some bad. I definately started taking the time to stop and smell the roses and enjoy each day with my children but I also found my self less patient than I had ever been. I thank God that my friends and family have seen the changes, and called me on them. Let me explain...... Before cancer, I was bubbly, happy, carefree and fun. I loved life, couldn't wait to wake up in the morning, always wanted to find an adventure for my days off. Loved going to work, loved my assignment, excelled at work and constantly overachieved. For personal satisfaction. Not for recognition. I had fun at work, laughed out loud every single day. Tried not to pee in my pants many times, and felt like I didn't have a care in the world. Then my life changed. My boss retired, I got a new one, he replaced our whole staff, I didn't know how my new assignment would fit into my family life, I had lots of pressure to make it work and the choice really wasn't mine. I had to ask for help. For those of you that know me personally, this is one thing I am not good at. I have always been the self proclaimed "work horse" I could do anything, even after my C Sections, I didn't ask for help, I work through colds, sickness, bad weather, death in the family, etc. Asking for help, is not what I do. All in all, everything worked out. My best friend MO asked for help for me. She got it, I got the assignment I needed, and everything worked out according to plan. I had an 8 week old at home, had just returned to work and my father in law was dying of lung cancer. Thank God it all worked out. I thank God for her every single night in my prayers and pray for her every single time I get a spare moment. She is the true definition of friend. She is loyal and kind. She is caring and trusting, she is one of the only people that know the real me. The good, bad and the ugly if you will. She was sent by God to be my best friend in this life. I couldn't ask for a better one if I custom created her myself. So into the Cancer Journey I went.......

Nervous

2004-11-22T20:14:00.000-06:00

I have so many things going on with work and home right now, I am not sure which direction things are going to go. I am not going to get the shift of my choice so I must find another location that can work for my family. I am really happy working where I am now and I don't want to give that up. I finally have some normalcy in my life right now, it's what I have been craving for years. Now another thing is changing and I am not happy. I feel like it is always me that has to do the changing. No one else in this family has it any different. Things are always the same for them. I so want to be a normal, regular person without any drama in my life. It seems as though it is always one thing or another with me. I would be so happy to have a boring, predictible, normal life. I don't think that is ever going to happen. Drama seems to find me all the time.

Just Starting

2004-11-18T15:23:00.000-06:00

I am hoping that this will become a place that I can come and talk things out. I have so many things to think about and no one to use as a sounding board. The name Radioactive Girl is my nickname I got when I was undergoing Radioactive Iodine Treatment for my Thryoid Cancer. I am almost one year out, and am hoping for a positive scan.